Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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