He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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