My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Houston, we have a blender
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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