the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
