No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
