But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
