Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
