How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
