i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
