It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
