Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
