I just saw a hot homeless man
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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