if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
