So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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