you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
