You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
