my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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