Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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