I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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