I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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