Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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