remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your cock deserves a montage
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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