i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
