oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't just leave with hair like that
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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