dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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