I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
