My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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