Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
