I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
