party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
