Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
