just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
