Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and she was petting her beer can
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dick very happy bro
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
