In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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