so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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