are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
