We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
