It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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