make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
