just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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