2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
