His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
