You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
