I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
