I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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