I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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