drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
