i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
