having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
