he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
