dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
