Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
