What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so that wasnt chicken after all
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
