In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
