i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
