I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
