come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
