Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
